Okay, I usally don't celebrate Valentine's Day. Love is always in the air 365 days a year with me. What's one day with an a**hole that gives you flowers and candy then makes you cry? I'll take the simple things in life....someone hopeless romantic who shows me his love and affection E-Very-day (in my dreams)!
This may be TMI for this blog but, I really don't care because it's a funny story.
So, I'm as single as they come.
I can't complain about that because I feel like God has blessed me thus far and will soon enough bless me with the right man.
I met Mars (that's his play-play name for now). We only known each other since mid Dec. I enjoyed (notice the past tense) his company. blah blah blah
Fast forward to V-day weekend.
So, I didn't plan on faking "lovebirds" on February 14th. I just figured, he would come visit and we would just enjoy each others company (like we always did).
It was a total disaster from day 1.
Before he gets off the bus, he texted me to say:
Are we going to the movies when I get there?
Is the movie theater nice? (Who asks that?)
Going down the highway he says:
“This is the longest road EVER!! I’m starving, where are we going to eat?
On the way to BRIXX from the bus station he says:
“I thought that you said the bus station was downtown. Is this what you call downtown?”
Going down GLENWOOD to Brier Creek he says:
“This is the longest road EVER!! I’m starving, where are we going to eat?
When we arrive in Brier Creek he says:
Is this all that’s in Raleigh? What does Raleigh have to offer? No really, what is Raleigh known for?
Are we going to the movies when I get there?
Is the movie theater nice? (Who asks that?)
Going down the highway he says:
“This is the longest road EVER!! I’m starving, where are we going to eat?
On the way to BRIXX from the bus station he says:
“I thought that you said the bus station was downtown. Is this what you call downtown?”
Going down GLENWOOD to Brier Creek he says:
“This is the longest road EVER!! I’m starving, where are we going to eat?
When we arrive in Brier Creek he says:
Is this all that’s in Raleigh? What does Raleigh have to offer? No really, what is Raleigh known for?
Friday night when we get back to my place he walks in and asks me:
Is your fireplace real? (no doe doe head, it's just a figment of your imagination.)
Saturday Morning he wants cereal...so, he looks into the fridge and says:
You don’t even have milk!?!?!? (and I did, it was on the side of the door :\
Sunday we are going to grab lunch and he says:
You live so far away from everything! It takes too long to go anywhere!
We’re walking around in one of the shopping centers and he says:
Why is the mall carpeted? That’s weird. Do you shop here? (I was baffled by this..)
Saturday Morning he wants cereal...so, he looks into the fridge and says:
You don’t even have milk!?!?!? (and I did, it was on the side of the door :\
Sunday we are going to grab lunch and he says:
You live so far away from everything! It takes too long to go anywhere!
We’re walking around in one of the shopping centers and he says:
Why is the mall carpeted? That’s weird. Do you shop here? (I was baffled by this..)
Afterwards I figure, we could go to Frankies and play putt-putt, ride go carts and play video games. It sounds like fun right? You would think that nothing could mess that up right? Well think again?
Okay, so we’re playing this “Rambo” game….. We’re playing and shooting and kicking a**. I was having fun and he seemed excited. So, inbetwixt the levels, they tell the Rambo story. If you shoot your gun....then it automatically skips to the next level of play. Anyway, I was preparing myself to shoot at the end of the informative Rambo short story.........and lifted my machine gun up to my shoulder and he yells out “Don’t shoot dummy!”…”No not yet!” :/
Sunday night, I cooked dinner for him and he has this favorite dessert (golden graham smores)….so, I tried to make it in accordance with a recipe that I found online.
Well, it didn’t turn out right. I added the chocolate morsels or some sh*t at the wrong time (at this point in time---I was just ready to give up).lol Like, f*ck these d*mn smores. Well, then he says:
“No, you’re suppose to stir the cereal into the melted marshmallows and THEEEEEN add the chocolate chips. To the unknowingly naked eye, this looks like dog poo.”
After eating, he then volunteers to put the food up (which means wrap aluminum foil around the pans I guess)…..well, he comes back to sit down and says:
You need to invest in some more aluminum foil. That brand just doesn’t cut it!
Sunday night, I cooked dinner for him and he has this favorite dessert (golden graham smores)….so, I tried to make it in accordance with a recipe that I found online.
Well, it didn’t turn out right. I added the chocolate morsels or some sh*t at the wrong time (at this point in time---I was just ready to give up).lol Like, f*ck these d*mn smores. Well, then he says:
“No, you’re suppose to stir the cereal into the melted marshmallows and THEEEEEN add the chocolate chips. To the unknowingly naked eye, this looks like dog poo.”
After eating, he then volunteers to put the food up (which means wrap aluminum foil around the pans I guess)…..well, he comes back to sit down and says:
You need to invest in some more aluminum foil. That brand just doesn’t cut it!
So, the next day....before he left, I thought we might take a little walk around a lake near my apt (honestly, to kill time). While we were walking, this lady was jogging.. He looks at the lady.......then.....looks at me and says:
“I bet you look funny running :/ Can you run like her? You don’t look like you’re very athletic.”
To top it off, the entire weekend, he used my dove body wash! There was a half bottle of dial left to be used before I was to open that bottle. WTF!?!?
And you know those frozen cups! (that kinda makes your drink all slushy-like.....) Well, I only got 1! And it’s mine! Call me selfish but, I specifically asked him not to use that cup because that’s my favorite cup! How about when I left Monday, this joker is lying in the chair when I get back drinking out of my cup! When I specifically asked him not to.
“I bet you look funny running :/ Can you run like her? You don’t look like you’re very athletic.”
To top it off, the entire weekend, he used my dove body wash! There was a half bottle of dial left to be used before I was to open that bottle. WTF!?!?
And you know those frozen cups! (that kinda makes your drink all slushy-like.....) Well, I only got 1! And it’s mine! Call me selfish but, I specifically asked him not to use that cup because that’s my favorite cup! How about when I left Monday, this joker is lying in the chair when I get back drinking out of my cup! When I specifically asked him not to.
Last but definitely not least......he goes into my drawer and opens up a brand new tube of toothpaste because he doesn't like the "taste" of the toothpaste that is already opened. And he didn't even ask :/
What a Jerk...
It took every part of my soul not to create a hostile environment. I am so proud of myself because I did what was right. What I really wanted to do was drop him off in the middle of nowhere. I didn't lose my cool and blatantly disrespect him. I talked to him after I had a few days to cool off, told him how I felt and that was that. Needless to say....neither one of us wants to talke to each other anymore
Was anyone elses Valentines day as funny and/or wretched as mine.lol
